The GAT Test and Interview with Canada Post

The GAT test is multiple choice, with timed sections,  and takes about two hours to complete .  The sections include: noting whether two addresses are the same or different; math equations on adding, subtraction, division, multiplication, and a couple of fractions-without the aid of a calculator; two memory tests whereby you are given five minutes to memorize five sets of various addresses, page is turned, then you given a multiple choice questions about which set an address belongs to; and lastly you read a paragraphs about a certain topic such a health and safety memo and then answer questions to test your comprehension of the material.  Your results are calculated within twenty minutes and if you pass then you are informed about the position details and to expect a call to arrange an interview.
The interview is slated to take an hour , and you are expected to provide examples from your previous work experience on a few of the questions. The questions will vary of course, but here is an example of a typical interview: you are asked to  provide a work example where you received praise for a job well done; what would you do if you  arrived for your shift and saw that your work space was untidy (which is a potential safety hazard); to provide an example of how you handled strife amongst the members when you worked within a team; what would  you do with your time if your tasks were completed early and you had nothing left to do during your shift; and lastly what would you do if a saw a fellow employee using racial slurs against another employee. I would suggest that your curb your answers to the position attributes that were listed in the job description, or find information about how to answer common interview questions.

Some Tips On Cooking For Others.

There are definitely 2 completely different sets of rules when it comes down to cooking dinner for others. First, and most important, is deciding whether you want this to be an ongoing thing, or just a one-shot gastronomic nightmare, never to be requested or suggested again.
I will address the second option first, as I believe it to be the more popular, more frequently used of the two. We begin with the basic framework of:
TIMING - INGREDIENTS - SPICING - PRESENTATION

1) TIMING: Try to ensure that no 2 menu items are ready at the same time. Mind-numbingly long waiting periods should accompany each dish or course. These periods can be made to seem even longer by filling each interval with either uncomfortable silence, awkward small-talk, or in-depth discourse on the hideous ailments of relatives, (try to pick one that features some type of discharge - Spontaneous Anal Seepage for instance, is always a real crowd pleaser). Also, remember that timing refers not only to food prep, but also to the arrival time of your guest. If your guest is to arrive at 7:00p.m., start most menu items around 6:30-ish, with the exception of easily burned or rubberized by excessive cooking foods, which should be going strong by 2:00 at the latest.

 
2) INGREDIENTS: The expert Chef knows his audience, and the aspiring crappy one should do no less. It is sometimes possible to derail the entire project by simply memorizing the following, to be spoken within minutes of your guests arrival : “Oh. You’re allergic to ______ ? Well, that’s certainly going to fuck things up more than just a little.”

 
3) SPICES: I like the simple substitution method of spicing, as it makes for easily believable excuses if caught. Just remember - any spice can be substituted for any other spice with the same color or consistency. Example: sugar for salt, garlic oil for honey, Sunlight Dish Soap for lemon juice - you get the idea, Yeah? For those budding Escoffier’s not yet comfortable with this level of epicurean subterfuge, there is always the alternative method of using the correct spices, but seriously over-amping the amounts. It is truly astounding what a quarter cup of salt can do to an otherwise tasty and inoffensive soup, and enough oregano (with some Sambal or Tabasco for good measure) can turn even the mildest salad dressing into a Hell-spawned nightmare that would have Satan himself hauling ass for the ice-water (which, if you’ve been paying attention at all, should also be heavily salted and room temperature). Go nuts, be creative in spicing, and have fun.

 
4) PRESENTATION: If, indeed, as the old adage goes, “The first bite is taken with the eye,” then this must also be true of “the first dry-heave”, and “the first diarrhea cramp”. If they’ve stuck it out long enough to actually see any of your culinary creations, ensure that the sight gives them recurring nightmares and years of expensive therapy. Cat and Dog hairs, human hair (if presented in large clumps), bug parts, unidentifiable greenery (the type found in ditches or old abandoned fish ponds), any rodent or reptile (whole or in pieces) all make excellent garnishes, and, with a little imagination (plus access to a mortuary or medical waste dump) will guarantee that the first bite will more likely be taken in the Emergency Ward. The end result, of course, is that you will never be asked to host any event that involves your presence in the kitchen! 

Happy dining, and as always, be safe!
TRS

As I’ve gotten older, I’ve gone from thinking about stupid, useless shit to pondering that which is truly important. Serious questions, like: At what exact point does a Gin and Tonic become merely a Gin with Tonic? Where do we draw this very important line? How much Gin is little enough to allow Tonic an obvious co-headline position, yet not so much as to relegate Tonic to the ranks of 'Also featuring...’. Is ice-cube degeneration to be included in the equation? If so, would it then be possible for a Gin and Tonic to become a Gin with Tonic without the addition of extra ingredients? Or, does the fact that ice is, when restored to its natural state, representative of neither Gin, nor Tonic, render its inclusion null and void, without force, and remove it from the equation entirely? Do local variations, individual pouring styles, and/or number of ice-cubes typically used affect the overall outcome? Glass size, Tonic availability and desired level of eventual intoxication must also play a vital role in answering this question which has been perplexing mankind for nearly 19 hours now.The solution I personally envision is the formation of an independent 'Gin And Tonic Regulatory Commission’, whose mandate would include (but not be limited to)
 a) Setting a standard, internationally                      accepted Gin/Tonic ratio, and
 b) Ensuring this ratio is practiced and                    upheld, with random spot checks and                severe penalties for infractions.
I, for one, would definitely sleep easier, knowing that I could, at any time, in any place on this planet, order up a G&T confidently, without worries or concerns.

As always, be safe,
TRS

Play Me Something.

Try the 8 string guitar at the bottom of the page! Also, since when is everyone so polite / non-vocal? Leave some comments, will ya?

As always, be safe (but only if you leave a comment)
TRS   

5 Things I Think We Probably Won't See In Our Lifetime.

1. Franklin Mint  Commemorative 'Monster Truck' plates. 
2. The 'John Wayne Gacy'  Memorial Camp for Boys.
3. A dance-club franchise called 'DiscoHitler'.
4. Xtian Death-Metal Karaoke bars.
5. The end of anything that TV has told us we could end in our lifetime. 

More as they occur.
Be safe,
TRS