More Ramblings From The Before -Times

  Besides being primitive as Hell despite our best attempts to seem all "Future-y" (and why not? The 40's and 50's had given us ample predictions of future life, with flying cars, teleportation, perfect health and silvery jump suits for all), being over 60 also includes things bending that never bent before while other things, things that had always bent, no longer do. Vision, hearing, taste, memory - all take a nose dive, unless you have loads of cash, or "credits", as the 50's would have had us believe we would all have oodles of. Credits we earn through our 2 hour per week job, perfectly suited to our personal preferences and skill sets, which we absolutely LOVE, and scarcely even think of as work. That 2 hour schedule, plus the enormous amount of credits we receive, leaves us with both the time and the means to turn our energies to science, the arts, and generally making the world a better place for all who occupy this once magnificent ball of dirt. So, yeh. All disease, poverty, racism, crime, class disparity have all been eradicated, and we live in perfect harmony, wanting for nothing. The ugly, depressing reality isn't even close. Anyone not belonging to the hated, yet obeyed, venerated and pandered to, 1% is forced to toil away at total shit jobs for long hours and crap pay just to stay alive. Some even have to work multiple jobs, and some of those who slave for the Walton family (at least in the U.S.A.) have to draw social assistance even with a "full time" job. Sad, innit? Sad that rich fucks can't seem to share. Sad that, even though we hugely outnumber them, the streets remain dry, rather than running red with the blood of the elite. Think about it, we could easily slaughter the lot of them, and it would hardly even cut into our afternoon. Think about it.

  Now, as an elderly gent, I must nap.Until next time, be safe and don't take any shit.

TRS

What I’ve noticed over the past 62 years

or

Memories from the BeforeTimes.

Part 1

62 years.

Sixty – two years. 

Siiixxx – teeeeee – twooooo FUCKING YEARS!

That’s how long I’ve been stumbling around this once (though no longer, thnx to us) beautiful planet, which I’m sure is a hefty kick in the nuts to all those who voted me ‘Most likely to be dead by age 30’.  Although, in their defense, it’s not like I didn’t try. Between really bad judgment, oceans of alcohol washing down inhuman amounts of every kind of pill, paired up with the vigorous, enthusiastic abuse of more substances than most people even know exist, I would not have bet against them.  In fact, I’m probably more surprised than they are, having more than doubled the life expectancy they saw fit to estimate for me.   But what surprises me even more is some of the shit I’ve seen and done during those years.  Here are just a few examples, in no particular order and hopefully real, not just some instances of the Mandela Effect.

 Telephones – if someone wanted to get hold of you, they had to call you at home because the phone was physically attached to the wall. If you were already talking to someone, any other callers got a ‘busy’ signal, no call waiting or voice mail. Plus, you could lie about where you were if necessary, not like today, where your friends can locate you via GPS. No touch screens or push buttons either, just a good old rotary dial and only one ring tone – an actual physical bell inside the phone.

 Video Players  -- When we got to see a video in class, it was a massive effort – couple guys from the Audio Visual club would wheel in the video player on a huge cart (the machine was too heavy and awkward to carry), then they’d pull out the giant reel of video tape, one inch at first, then down to a mere half inch a few years later, and thread the tape through a complicated series of cogs and slots. Before tapes, I recall filmstrips and scratchy 16mm film projectors.  The first VCRs I saw for home use were around $2,000, and the first of the ongoing format wars was fought out between VHS and BETAMAX.

  Electronics – My generation’s level of tech savvy can be summed up in three words – Pong Impressed Us. Big groups of us would skip out of school, get baked on shitty Colombian dirt weed, and spend 5 or 6 hours having tournaments, stunned rigid that we could play table tennis right in our living room.  We never got bored with that stupid square pixilated ‘ball’ because we had never seen anything like it before, and years later, you could still see the tell tale ball and paddles burned into the TV screen, eternal witness to the biggest technological breakthrough in home entertainment the world had seen thus far.  It was only a couple of years before SPACE INVADERS and ASTEROIDS came out, (big, standup arcade machines, we had to wait for home versions), and we knew we were diving headlong into the marvelous Future the 50’s had promised us, and meals in pill form couldn’t be far behind.

  Calculators – The first electronic calculators we saw were from Texas Instruments, about twice the size of a paperback, and cost around $350. Once again, these portable math computers that anyone could own astounded us. Boy, we were living right out there in the fucking sci-fi future!

  Home Computers-  I remember the first computer store opening in Semiahmoo Mall, in White Rock, and we got curious and went for a look. I’m going to keep this short, mainly due to the embarrassment re: what was thought of as a ‘home computer’ back in the Before Times. Ready? Here we go  - Huge, bulky desk top system with a monochrome screen, heavy as fuck, less memory than a wristwatch has today, everything had to be loaded separately on big 5.5inch floppy disks all for the low low price of around $20,000. We didn’t get one.

Next time, we’ll get into Color TV, Cable TV and what we had to go through if we wanted to view an ‘Adult’ movie at home.

Please feel free to comment, let me know what advances you remember, no matter what era you hail from, and, as always

Be safe and don’t take any shit!

T.R.S.

Well, gang, Spring is almost upon us and, as we all know, that can mean only one thing: oh yeh - cooking outside!  Whether you have a tiny hibachi barely big enough to make burgers for two, or one of those chrome monsters with a hundred knobs, capable of roasting a  Buick, and we're not talking any of those new toy Buicks of recent years, oh HELL no! We are talking Buick Fucking Electra 225, the only non-Cadillac in history to ever be accepted world wide as a legitimate conveyance for those involved in the Pimping Sciences.  But regardless of the type of BBQ you plan to use, you will be, as I mentioned, cooking outside.  Outside is where I often find myself (when I haven't been paying attention), and so, in order to make being outside more pleasurable for me and mine, I have once again braved that twisted wasteland that is my brain to search for anything that might inspire all you outdoor chefs to hasten out of my way. And what could possibly provide sufficient incentive to send all the street chefs scurrying away with their hands desperately covering the ears of their ill conceived spawn, lest their little sensibilities be shattered? You guessed it - socially unacceptable lyrics!  And so, without any further french words, here we go!

Swing Time

I hope you die like a pig

At the slaughterhouse gate.

Hope you die like a refugee

Who starves while he waits

For a little bit of kindness

A single ray of hope

Don't look to me for that'

You're at the end of your rope.

And...

It looks like it's Swing Time

Psycho-billy Cheater's Song

There's a penis in my pants, and it sure ain’t mine.

Some other fella must have left it behind.

Gonna show it to my girl so I can see

By her reaction if the bitch is fuckin' round on me.

There's a penis in my pants that don't belong to me.

It fell out of my zipper when I went to pee.

Now, I know I'm not gay, so here's the score -

I guess that's what I get for goin' out with a whore.

It sure looks to me like my gal is cheatin',

But I decided to talk, instead of handin' her a beatin'.

Her answer nearly gave me a heart attack -

She'd found a cunt in her panties, so she's paying me back!

There, good enough for now, I doubt anyone has read down this far anyway, so, as always:

Be safe, and don't take any shit.

TRS

Own your own shit, wipe your own bum.

Right. Gonna fire off a couple quick lines, which is in some small way intended to excuse the horrific neglect I have heaped upon this innocent blog. And what I'd like to spew about is this: 

In 'The Before Times', where many of my friends and I grew up, if someone did something crappy, or got caught doing something wrong, they would react in the strangest way, in a way that confuses the fuck out of many of todays enlightened individuals. They would (are you ready for this?) - ADMIT THEIR MISTAKE , and ... AND ... ACCEPT FULL RESPONSIBILITY FOR THEIR ACTIONS!  

Now I realize that many of you will see this as plain old common sense, just something you don't need to be told, and it is you people who are, right this second, saying "Cool. RobScenity has snapped. He is babbling the glaringly obvious. We become bored with his antics."  And you would be both correct and justified, were it you I was addressing. It wernt. I'm not going to mention any names, nor shall I go into any detail on the 'incident' in question - you all know exactly who I'm referring to, and he knows who he is.  Wipe your own ass, own your own shit and stop spending all your time looking for someone to blame. It's you, dickhead. You are to blame. It's your fault, so it's time you grow a pair and man up. It's people like you that have ruined the way things used to work, and I, for one, feel your actions or lack thereof, warrant a good, old fashioned boot-fucking. Just for starters....

Until next time,

Be safe & don't take any shit.

TRS

We Don't Want Your Fucking war

Yet another blast from that past thing...

Great venue, great bands, great weekend.

The RobScenity's Favorite Conspiracy Theories

1: Bio-weapons & WGFM.  

    We, the human race, have been the testing grounds for one of the most energetic longitudinal studies in the field of biological weaponry in all of history. The test subjects hail from all walks of life and from every corner of the globe (swell oxymoron there, huh?). Not only have we been used as test subjects for the actual weapons themselves, but also in feasibility studies regarding the large-scale construction and placement of munitions factories which are all but invisible to the general population. One of the main problems facing the military has always been the availability of materials to be used against the enemy without too drastically depleting one's own resources. In the 1940's, one of the geniuses employed by the American military machine (Biological Warfare Section) came up with a brilliant concept – addressing the top brass, he asked,  

“What, gentlemen, do we have in this very country that is completely useless to us and yet so infinitely sustainable that we have entire sections of the work force employed in ridding us of this item?”

     Rather than subject you to the long, dull and totally fictional conversation that followed, I will just leap in and tell you. The brain-box was referring to W.G.F.M., which even the dimmest schoolboy knows stands for Weapons Grade Fecal Matter, or, as we know it: shit. He envisioned production of weapons grade fecal matter on a massive scale, but there were some gaps in the theory. The availability of raw material was no problem – America was the largest producer of shit in the free world, but simply launching huge volumes of normal human waste at an enemy would do little, other than piss them off. No, they must devise a way to create shit that was well and truly toxic, that would stop an enemy dead in his tracks and keep him there. Then they needed a way to produce large and consistent supplies while keeping the civilian population in the dark, as it was they who were to provide the raw materials, and if they learned of their participation and importance to success, they would, being patriotic Americans, expect to be paid.

    In the late 40's, the military think-tank came up with a plan that was nothing short of brilliant – they would develop a type of food that was completely addictive, introduce it to the civilian population, and control where the food was available. They would open a chain of restaurants that sold this food exclusively, ensuring that only they had access to the end result.  

    And so McDonald’s was born. During the decades that followed, the output was closely studied, tested and perfected. Items that failed to bring up toxicity levels were taken off the menu, reworked in secret government labs and then reinstated. The McRib Sandwich is a perfect example. So now, after years of research, experimentation, testing and re-testing, the American military now has in its possession the most effective and horrifying biological weapon ever created. Lets just hope they never have to use it.

Next time – the only reason pennies are kept in circulation.

Until then, as always, be safe.

TRS

Excerpt from 'The End Of Days – The Complete Annihilation Of Humanity, Or Just A Beautiful Dream?'

Memories Of The Before Times

A Chronicle Of Life In The Post-Maya Apocalypse 

All Rights Reserved, The RobScenity 2014

Part One – A Rude Awakening

    I hardly know where to begin. It's 2014, a full two years since that terrible year 2012, the year in which the famous calendar of the Maya simply stopped. There had been many theories regarding the reason for this mysterious cessation, but none were as chilling as the actual facts. Most of these theories were centered around the 'End of the World' theme, although each theory hypothesized a different manner in which the 'end' would manifest itself – environmental cataclysms, alien invasion leading to a struggle resulting in the complete annihilation of the planet, the sun going super-nova – usual end of the world conceptions. But one common thread was woven throughout all the varied notions: it was a great fucking excuse. It neatly absolved humanity of any blame. The catastrophic destruction of our home world was not our doing, someone or something other than mankind was responsible (for once). The actual truth of the matter was far more horrifying, more damning, than anything the Great Thinkers of our time could ever conceive. For, you see, the Maya had not correctly predicted the end of the world, the destruction of all we know and hold dear. No, they had simply become bored with the whole calendar making gig. At one of the Calendar Planning Committee's monthly logistics and pancake breakfast meetings, the Chairman of the C.P.C. rose from his short-stack with a side of sausage and called for the attention of all present.

    “Right. Here's the deal. We've been making these fucking things for, what? A couple thousand years now? And are any of them really that much different than the others? I would think that after a few millennium, people would probably have the basic formula memorized, no? So rather than sweat it out over the creation of yet another tribute to the grand notion of 'same old same old', why don't we just say piss on it and grab ourselves a different and more satisfying hobby. Waddaya say?”  

    All this was, of course, spoken in the ancient tongue of the Maya, (which I neither speak nor write, and I'm going to go out on a limb here and assume you don't either), so for ease of understanding and a far less confusing read, I have chosen to relay the tale in what was once known as 'English'. However, regardless of the language, the underlying sentiment remains: after several thousand years of doing the same thing over and over, the Maya were just tired of the project, and decided to nix the whole thing. They threw over the safe, predictable pastime of drafting identical groupings of days, weeks, months and years for something more instantly gratifying. What that was, no-one knows, making it a greater mystery than the abrupt end of the thing that has kept firemen and adorable kittens in the public eye for eons.      The practical upshot of the entire event is this: humanity could no longer blame all their bullshit on some nameless, faceless scapegoat. See, it was just easier to think, “Hey! We're all going to die in some hideous, unknown way, but at least it's not our fault!”, than to think, “Oh, shit. 2012 came and went and nothing happened. We're stuck living with all the crappy stuff we've done to the planet and to each other, with no one to point our judgmental, self-righteous fingers at or put the blame on!” Creepy, huh? For most of our species, it would be far more desirable to face complete and total extermination than to take responsibility for our own actions.      And so, here we sit. After years of preparation, decades of planning, endless hours of pondering the end of existence as we know it and to whom we should attach the blame for the aforementioned, we are left with the far more frightening reality that nothing has changed and that we, ourselves, may in some minuscule way be partially responsible for our shitty situation.

    As I said, nothing has really changed that much. Well, maybe a few things came out the back end of the Post Maya Apocalypse slightly altered. Take the Jehovah's Witnesses, for instance: they still come knocking at our doors as they have always done, but now they don't say anything – they just stand there on the porch and smirk.   

Part 2 coming soon.

As always, be safe.

TRS

  

D.O.A. - The Prisoner

Rare - D.O.A.'s first video.

Young Canadians - Hawaii

Art Bergman at his finest.

Blast from the Past - INFECTIONS circa 1983(?)

The Angry Scottsman sings!

Evolutionary Adaptation & Natural Selection

Evolutionary Adaptation & Natural Selection – You're Fucking Kidding, Right?

I've been observing and considering this for quite some time now, and do believe I have discovered the one, single, major setback , the one thing holding back our evolution as a species, and it is this:

It requires absolutely zero intelligence to procreate.

There it is, plain and simple. In fact, it doesn't take much observation to notice that we see the exact opposite – the more brainless, dull witted and ignorant people are, the more simplings¹ they spawn, thereby ensuring the continuation of their DNA, complete with its genetic markers for low IQ, mouthbreathing, and believing that WWF Wrestling is real. The results? Cultural identity crisis on a massive scale – the acceptance and rise of Reality TV. I know I've gone off on Reality TV before, but it's been a while, so I feel I deserve to cut loose for a bit. Besides, Reality TV is close to being my all time second biggest pet peeve (nothing could ever even come close to Grown Men In Short Pants).

Reality TV is a producer's dream, requiring no writers, no big name stars, no talent, no sets, and most important, no intelligence. That includes both creating and watching. Just toss out an idea like “Parking Wars” or “Storage Wars”, (I guess just hook on to any word, slap 'wars' on the end to keep North America interested, and let 'er rip), and you are set – low/no budget, a prefab audience ready to launch you to the top of the Nielsens, nothing to do but rake in the cash and kudos.

No, I didn't get off-topic, for it is precisely that prefab audience I described which is, as you read this, spawning the next generation of world leaders. Morbidly obese, facebook addicted world leaders. World leaders who, although being born white and privileged, say things like:

“Well theys bin axin a' kines 'o' shit 'bout y'all, nahwmee?”.

And that's supposed to be aah-ite?

Beware, my little friends, these MacDroid spawn of mouthbreathers and home shopping network consumers are YOUR future! In that respect, I am in full accord with those jolly fellows, the Sex Pistols – there IS no future.

Until next time, as always,

Be safe.

TRS

1Similar to siblings, but much simpler.

Zombie paintball scares up new home in Semiahmoo Park - Peace Arch News

Zombie paintball scares up new home in Semiahmoo Park - Peace Arch News

The most fucked up thing ever!

Look what happened to Jess,  lead axe from M.G. Graveyard!

Jess was crossing the border into Washington State, which last year legalized recreational marijuana, on her way to a show. She was asked if she had ever smoked pot and decided to tell the truth, saying yes.  Jess was held and interrogated for several hours, then barred from entering the U.S. FOR LIFE!

Just as we thought our southern neighbors couldn't get any stupider...

All our energies are going out to Jess (and the rest of M.G. Graveyard), and if you get the chance, sign (or start) a petition, tell everyone you know about the incident, stand on a table and yell, anything! Just don't let the issue fall by the wayside and die.  People HAVE to know how fucking backwards and ludicrous this is.

I'm off to be angry, as always,

Be safe.

TRS 

If you know what this is...

If you know, laugh till you pee.

If you don't know, find out.      

Employer attitudes and behaviors that need to change in BC

I was recently privy to some disturbing information from a Manager of a popular Home decoration outlet. This manager is responsible for hiring, and rather than post job opportunities for her store in newspapers or the internet she will march directly to a Immigration Employment office for potential candidates or she would actively seek a temporary foreign worker. She reasoned that Canadians would not apply for night shifts or shift work, they would either quit or turn down the opportunity, and lastly that foreign workers have the training that Canadians lack for the position and they will work for less money. Even more disturbing, she stated that English language skills was not a condition of employment because she uses a phone app to translate and communicate with her employees. I am disgusted by her hiring practises that don't favor Canadian citizens, her prejudiced beliefs about Canadians not being skilled or dependable enough to fill the positions, and I am appalled that she is a managerial position.

British Columbia should include in their Employment Standards Act that they will only hire Canadian citizens that speak the official language(s) of Canada. That Canadian employers will no longer post positions that prefers the candidate to speak a non-native language of Canada because this practise heavily discriminates against Candian citizens, and creates cultural and racial exclusivity in the workplace. Lastly, Employers will have their business licence revoked if they hire temporary foreign workers, outsource their business outside of Canada, do not pay taxes or send majority of their profits to another country, or discriminate against hiring Canadians in their workplace. Respect and preference for jobs in BC needs to be given to Canadians.

Punch in the Facebook – Apps That Need To Be Incinerated.

Part 1:

Bitstrips. In case you've been living under a rock, or, like me, would rather spend your time on “FacetheotherwayBook”, chances are you've seen people using this 'brilliant' and/or 'hilarious' new application (I also hate the abbreviation – it's Dutch for ape). For those of us who don't give a fuck, or wouldn't, were it not for the fact that we now have thousands of would be Watersons cramming it down our cyberthroats, Bitstrips allows ANYBODY to create an avatar of themselves, then insert themselves into a series of pre-drawn 'humorous' situations. The user then includes their own captions, thereby completing the strip and infecting the rest of us with their off-beat, twisted take on everyday life. News flash – everyday life is fucking DULL! That's why we call it everyday life. News-ER flash – our own everyday life is dull, so yours is even … any guesses? YES! Even DULLER. More News-er flash – unless we are familiar with every single aspect of your life, we probably won't get the references you're making in your side splitting, knee slapping comic adventures. Here's an example:

Panel 1: someone's Mom, caption: “Make sure you change your socks, dear”

Panel 2: writer's avatar, caption: “I can't, one's missing”

Final Panel: Mom, caption: “I guess you'd better call Uncle Dennis, then!” The End.

See, here's the problem, the person guilty of this cartoon atrocity thinks that everyone will instantly see this as funny. However, unless the reader knows that, 35 years ago, you and Uncle Dennis had a little game wherein you would prank each other by stealing one sock from the sock drawer, filling it with choice chunks from Leo's cat box, then replacing it, not in the sock drawer, but (wait for it!)... the SHIRT drawer, then wait for the hilarity to ensue, they will not get the full benefit of the comedic payoff.

More and more of these 'Comic Strips' are turning up on my page, which means that more people I know are sniffing glue, smoking crack and eating WAY too many Gravol (washed down with a bottle of Red Devil). It saddens me. It angers me. It annoys me. It does NOT make me laugh. In fact, the only people who think its funny are the ones who wrote it, and their loved ones, who only pretend its funny so they don't make the writer cry.

Ooh, that reminds me, I gotta go call my Uncle Dennis, I just got a terrific idea for a strip...

As always, Be safe.

TRS

Dollar Store Hairdye

I tried dollar store black hair dye by De la Ritz, ColorEazy, and it worked like a charm! It didn't come with a fancy conditioner, the time was longer than most with directions to keep it in 30-45 minutes, and the bottle applicator felt like cheaper quality-it was like squeezing a flaccid penis. But no drips, no overwhelming chemical smell, no messy cleanup on the skin nor bath tub, and most importantly: it didn't fry my hair, its blacker than other dyes I've tried, soft, and it doesn't wash out like other "permanent" hair dyes. For those with thick or long hair you will need two bottles, because it doesn't provide much product. My usual favorite brand for dying my hair black is Clairol Nice and Easy Foam, I have also enjoyed success with Clairol L'Image, and permanent Nice and Easy with the supposed two-dimensional colors in black ). Clairol makes great hair colors, except their Root Touch Up which fades under a month. The hair dyes that disappoint is anything by L'Oreal, and Garnier. They wash out within three weeks despite their label of being a permanent hair dye. I didn't enjoy the price nor the color from a salon dye job, rather mousy colors I find and not as gentle as they claim for your hair. So don't be afraid to try Dollor Store black hair dye, has same ingredients as other hair dyes and it may be less damaging than fast acting dyes that work their magic in 10-25 minutes due to harsher chemicals.

Check out this link or you will be eaten alive.

The Ultimate Total Immersion Experience.

Book now or spend the rest of  your life whining because you missed the coolest thing going like some snively little twat.