Whaaaww! That last bit of venting got what’s left of my blood just screaming, so here I go again – more of the ‘Not So Happy’ list. Again, any semblance of priority or order is purely coincidental.

·        Idiots who argue that which they know absolutely NOTHING about, and then, upon realizing that they are wrong, rather than politely conceding, energetically re-double their efforts in a last ditch attempt to bury one in half-misquoted / half fabricated facts and horribly misused terminology. MassCool! Now you look twice as stupid as you did 20 seconds ago, and I, conversely, am twice as right as I was 20 seconds ago.  I guess that old Chinese fellow was right, and those idiots have, indeed, removed all doubt.

·        Pompous, pretentious twats who will find some way, no matter how ridiculous, to bring up Shakespeare, Hemingway, et al, in every single conversation they happen to engage in.  Arrogant, smug, pseudo-intellectual bastards trying to appear educated and well-read, thinking they can accomplish this by simply dropping a few literary monikers. Have fun with these self-important assholes: ask them which particular works they enjoyed the most. Ask them to actually NAME something by the authors. Ask them for a few quotes or notable passages. If they do manage to come out with a quote, nod knowingly for a moment, then say “Ah, yes! The ‘Classic Comic Books’ version!”

XII / XXI / XLV _A.S.

 Right. It’s been a while, but there’s been a lot of shit going on in RobScenity Land recently. Shit that I really don’t feel like mashing through with a fork just to see if there’s something salvageable hidden in it.  Instead – some more items from the ‘Not So Happy Thoughts’ list. As always, in no particular order and directed at no particular person or persons (you know who you are).

 

·        People who try to describe some type of food as “Tasting like chicken”. Odds are the gastronomic retard has never tried the food they’re attempting to describe. Why do I say this, you ask? Here we go: The only thing on this entire planet of ours that tastes like chicken is one of two things:

 

        I. More chicken, or

     II. A different chicken (but still a chicken).

I have heard the chicken comparison used to describe octopus, rattle snake, calf’s brain, alligator, kidneys, (to name but a very few) , and, having personally sampled all of them, can confidently report that NOT A SINGLE ONE of these foods tastes even remotely like chicken. At all. Not even the slightest resemblance. We’re quite clear on this one now? Excellent. Bon Appetite.

·        Xtian Death Metal. Yes, it really exists; I know you’re as stunned as I was when I first learned of its existence. One of the more idiotic of the people I work with (a hypochristian, it turns out) was stupid enough to tell me, a card carrying member of the Church of Satan, that he was into “Xtian Death Metal”, thereby giving me full permission to RANT & DESTROY. Xtian Death Metal? What? Wadda ya got?

“Got nailed to a stick”                             

(chuggachuggaCHUG)

“Then Dad let ‘em kill me”                     (chuggachuggaCHUG)

“Then you went and lost my body!!”      (chuggachuggaCHUG)

     (Guitar solo)

 

And that’s it. One death to sing about, and that was 2000 years ago! Get over it already, quit whining and write some new fucking material!!!

·        People who try to talk to me when I’m having a dump. There’s some very serious ‘Me Time’ going on here. If I wanted conversation, I’d shit with the fucking door open. Maybe set out a chair or two, just in case it’s going to be a while. Talking to me while I’m shitting is even worse than talking to me in a movie theatre because you didn’t even have to pay for a ticket to my shitter! MAYBE then, I’d listen. But only if you’d shelled out for an overpriced popcorn and a watered down Cola-like beverage substitute first.

More later. As always – Be safe.

The RobScenity.

Coming Soon

Where Is The Zodiac When We Need Him?
Tales of people who  seriously inspire  a return engagement by my favorite Serial Killer.

The following post of oxymorons is just an attempt at getting the rancid taste of vultures and mega - fuckwads out of my mouth.  Family members I can't stand, can't kill, and can't understand. They, (and a few of the decent ones) know who they are and what they've done. May you die slowly, horribly and un-noticed, you miserable, heartless pieces of shit.  Thanx.

A Partial List Of MassCool Oxymorons

Cautiously optimistic
Bigger half
Rock opera
Boneless ribs
Resident alien
White chocolate
Global village
Minor crisis
Act naturally
Defensive strike
Slumber party
Oven fried
Deafening silence
Graduate student
Educated guess
Free trade
Instant classic
Calculated risk
Wilderness management
Vegetarian meatball
Wireless cable
Detailed summary
Fresh from concentrate