Latest Of My Sporadic Entries.

Let’s start with something useful for a change: a Practical Survival Tip. When starting a new job (or any endeavor, really) tell every new person you meet something different. Now sit back, relax, and wait to see which stories, ‘facts’, or tidbits of information make their way back to you. The number of things that return home to nest is directly proportional to the number of new coworkers you should actively avoid telling anything to. The truly amazing part is that the bits you tell people do not have to be believable or even remotely credible. Seriously, get creative. I once got a very quick return on a total bullshit piece of family history within a day or two. Not remarkable in and of itself, I know, but seeing as the info was that I had killed both my birth parents with a rather large axe at the tender age of eleven, it suddenly takes on a little more importance, yes? As did telling one person “Don’t mention this to anyone, but I’m only out on a Day-Pass”. The stunning part about that one is that the return took several days, several consecutive days, several consecutive days during which I was actually there, a fact that seems to have failed miserably at matching up with the concept of a ‘Day-Pass’ in the mind of my no longer trusted fellow employee.

There. I’ve performed my civic duty with that Practical Survival Tip, and am now free to move on to my usual, less than practical, semi – delirious blathering. This tirade, oddly enough, is aimed directly at that part of the universe that we are sharing at this precise moment. Not the real, physical universe. This one. The electronic one. Yep, I am getting pissed at the ‘Net, Cyberspace, the World Wide Web, call it whatever you want. It seems to have gone full circle since I uttered my first “We’re in!” Yes, I said it once. ONCE, damnit. Everybody’s allowed one. Now, if we can trust my memory, and seeing as I was married at the time we will just assume we can not (that segment of my life was spent considerably more blitzed than usual), it was way back in the early 1990’s. My first Internet experience was significantly enhanced by something called a “Dialup Connection With a 1200 Baud Modem”, all of which translates roughly to about 12 minutes to load even the most basic, no frills page (they were all like that because the frills hadn’t been invented yet). Things are certainly different now, though. Whole new ballgame. Bullshit. I’m on a super fast laptop, wireless Internet connection that simply flies, using cutting edge, state of the art technology that hadn’t even been dreamed of in the 90’s, all of which translates roughly to about 12 minutes to load even the most basic, no frills page. It’s not that the pages don’t load fast, it’s that no matter where you want to go you’re forced to navigate 50,000 fucking links to get there because every fucking page is ‘tagged’ to every other fucking page which is linked to every fucking website, fucking blog or fucking depository of useless bullshit (much like this one). So, although nearly 20 years have passed, it still takes me almost as long to find the ‘Adult’ material I seek as it did with my 1200 baud dialup modem. Plus, when I finally do get there, it’s the same ‘Adult’ material that was there when I was seeking it 20 years ago. Therefore, as I have just now realized, it has taken me 20 years to track down this material. Kill me now.