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Sunday, April 17, 2011

I think I know this guy!!

‏SideBringing : A Simple Definition Rendered Impossibly Convoluted
‏OR‏An Exercise In Circumlocution. ‭

‏‭In order to even attempt an explanation vis: the above title, I must hurl myself, full force, into the very definition that the title decries as 'Impossibly Convoluted' Allow me to explain further.  I had a great upbringing, however, bits of it were, in fact, sideways, so yeah, great upbringing, reasonably serviceable sidebringing. Still no connection? Alright, a far better insight into what a sidebringing consists of can be realized if you will allow me to exemplify: Smoking. When Dad caught me smoking, he very properly gave  the appropriate Parental Lines, "Those will KILL you! No doubt about it, the more of those you smoke, the greater your risk of an early, horrid and painful death!". All up to CODE so far, right? Here's where Dad's 'right' takes a sharp left: I made the mistake of asking Ma if there was any truth to what I'd been told, if he was completely honest with the info he'd bestowed upon me. Her response - "Oh. Yes. Completely honest. He said that if you pinch one more pack of his cigarettes, he's going to kill you twice and then make you smoke yourself. Said you can buy your own goddamn cigarettes."

‏‭So, the meaning of sidebringing is no longer a mystery, correct?  Dad had fulfilled that particular health related Parental Commitment perfectly by the book, all the while doing so in a manner which had never occurred to any of my pal's Dads: issuing a serious warning while cleverly side-winding the entire direction that health tip originated from and tossing in his own dire warning instead. 2 birds with one stone. I wound up with a constant, panicky concern regarding my  continued well-being and vowed right then to be more health conscious by swiping all my future smokes from Ma instead. It made health conscious sense: she couldn't run as fast, hit as hard, or yell as loud as Dad, so punishment meted out by Ma was always infinitely preferable.