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Tuesday, December 6, 2011

A Few Tips for Survival in Retail
or
How I Breeze Through My ZombieLand Day

The techniques you are about to learn have all been extensively field-tested, and are based on sound psychological principals - people see what they want to see, hear what they want to hear, and let you do what they think you want to do.

 1) Walk everywhere at a brisk pace, shaking your head slightly as you frown at a piece of paper. Doesn't matter what's on the paper - people will assume it's very important and will not wish to impinge on your obvious concern.

2) If a fellow employee is engaged in a difficult task and looks like they might ask for help, walk by purposefully while quickly saying, "Hey! I'll be back to help you just as soon as you're done!"

3) My personal fave: Just as someone starts asking me something, I hold up my left hand for silence, while using my right hand to indicate the items on the shelf in front of me, saying "SShhhh! Do you hear that?" Confused reply - "Hear what?" Pointing at the shelves more intensely, I say "That!" After listening for a second they'll say "No, I don't hear anything at all!" "I know! Creepy, huh? They all just stopped talking at once!" Not only will that person never ask you another question, they'll never again make eye-contact or walk down the same aisle as you.

Try these 3 first, and let me know your results.

As always, Be safe!

TRS