Backlog 'o' Crap 2

            It's almost too much for us to bear! Potato Lad has already lost his newfound power and authority, failing to clock up even a week of power-induced madness! Not one lousy, chest-puffing week, before being demoted to Electronics Counter Person - that's a slightly fancier cashier than most. We were still splitting sides and slapping knees in true 'comedic reaction' fashion when the second shock-wave hit us - incensed at his demotion (and no doubt fearful of what we would do to him in his new, inferior position) he gave his two week notice. Quit. Bailed. There is a Santa after all!

            And oh, how the mighty have fallen: gone are the smug smirk, the elevated nostrilidge (or is it nostrilicity?) and the John Wayne-esque swagger/strut combo. (Although I have, after several serious attempts, discovered that a 'swagger/strut' is a physiological impossibility, as the two tend to cancel each other out - the side to side motion of the swagger portion leeches about 93% of the forward momentum, and hence, the importance of the strut component, thereby necessitating the separate and individual execution of each element.) that we had all pretty much resigned   ourselves to becoming accustomed to.  Seeing the transformation from gleaming, pumped up to maximum pressure, Macy's Parade Balloon of self importance to small, wrinkled, sickly gray blob (not unlike a deflated beach ball fashioned from geriatric elephant hide long since past it's prime) has put something of a noticeable spring in all our steps, as well as a firm belief that the upcoming New Year will, indeed, be a very good one! At this rate, the Maya would seem to be in great position for 2012.

            After thinking that one over a bit, it would be MassCool to ring in the New Years Eve of the Maya by replacing the Times Square Ball with a patched and re-inflated Defeated Potato Lad Aged Elephant Hide Head. Maybe the city of Manhattan would even get on board and commission Disney Studios to provide the perfectly flawless animatronic head of Dick Clark to officiate over the festivities (his rightful place, no?). Besides, we'll need Dick if it turns out, as some theorize, that the Maya calendar ending in 2012 is simply that - they (the calendar committee) just quit keeping track. Lost interest for whatever reason: boredom, new hobbies, whatever. No 'End Of Time As We Know It', no all-encompassing, global natural disaster, no mutated bio-weapons grade virus accidentally released into the atmosphere. Just a weary glance and a slightly pissed "Listen, guys. 2012? Exactly like the 2011 before it. It's all getting to be a tad 'same-ey' now, so I vote we bail. K?".

Backlog 'o' Crap

            Yay!!! Made it through 'that' time of year again, the time best left to the "3 C's" - Children, Corporations and christians. (Yes, all those adept at generating and raking in huge amounts of cash, or causing it to be generated and/or raked). That perfectly rehearsed close approximation of human kindness, brotherly love, and goodwill towards all.

            Spending 2 or 3 weeks forced to endure painful repeat performances of 'heartfelt greetings', 'how've ya been's, and 'all our best's spewed from the same heads that, for the other 50-odd weeks of the year, wouldn't even give you the fucking time of day or tell you to 'Drop dead, bounce twice'. 

            Happy shoppers spending thousands of hard-earned dollars all to bolster their images of generosity and altruism while hopefully shutting their miserable spawn for another year by feeding them the $150.00 LEGO_ä set or the $165.00 Barbie Townhouse they've been whining for since January. (If I had asked for prezzies like that as a kid, I'd still have the dents in my fucking head!).  All these happy shoppers, shopping happily, and making the vibrant and exciting world of Retail sales vibrate with just that much more excitement!!!

            I will not go into detail re: those of us who live in that "vibrant and exciting world of Retail sales", except to mention that our so-named 'Security Guy' , Potato Lad, has been granted the POWER and AUTHORITY to write up staff members for perceived infractions of Sacred Company Rules.  We have started a pool and are now anxiously waiting for that exact, precise moment when he will go mad with power, my guess being that he already has, but is so ineffectual and uninteresting that no-one has noticed. I am, admittedly, concerned that, should he die or go mad, he would, like the original killer in the first installment of the 'SAW' franchise, be instantly replaced by his protege, in our case an overzealous, theft obsessed South American.