Well, we've survived the 2010 winter games and managed to hide all our creepy shit from the rest of the world by sweeping our more visible problems under a thick carpet of Canadian beer and increased police presence. We showed the entire planet that we Vancouverites purchase only Olympic sanctioned products, never complain or protest anything, and all play on the same Hockey team (you could tell by all our several thousand players screaming “WE won, we won”). Now we simply sit back and relax until our friends, The Maya, get their shot at impressing everyone (god DAMN, I hope they do a good show!) in 2012. Until then, I will remain as pissed as I can be that Tourism Canada once again rejected my proposal for an Official Provincial T-Shirt – “BC – Still Plenty Of Good Places To Hide A Body!” As some of you may recall, the Province of BC dealt me a similar slap in the face several years ago when they refused to allow my entry for the ‘Most popular pick-up line in British Columbia – “Hey!! The body's still warm!!”
Now that we're all back to normal, here's one I've neglected to mention so far, yet has been getting me MassPissed for years. I guess just knowing it actually existed was enough to traumatize me into a decades-long bout of very selective amnesia. It's this: people who get on the bus smelling really strongly of food. I could almost tolerate it if they were carrying a take-out sack filled with the type of food they smelled like, but the ones I'm on about aren't. One also cannot match the food fragrance to the type of person likely to be emitting said aroma with any degree of accuracy, so the olfactory and visual cues don't even come close to lining up. Don't start whining, I'm not saying this from a racist standpoint, it's just that, over the course of our lives, we come to associate certain people with certain odors. For most of us Baby Boomers, for example, fat Italian guys are fully expected to pack the scent of either pizza or cigars, we anticipate that girls with glasses, braids and skirts slightly longer than current fashion dictates will come to class wafting the delicate bouquet of milk and stale, musty cloth.
The one that jarred all this loose from the back of my head today was a Chinese guy reeking away of Ukrainian cabbage - based cuisine, extra garlic. Not fair. He should have carried the aroma of a #3 Combination Dinner, just as I should, rightfully, broadcast the acrid tang of cigarettes, coffee and speed, just as one would expect from any self respecting, tail-end Baby Boomer. And, for the comfort of my fellow public transit patrons, I always strive to do so. Although I will admit that I usually leave out the coffee. Still, 2 out of 3, huh? Be safe.
Now that we're all back to normal, here's one I've neglected to mention so far, yet has been getting me MassPissed for years. I guess just knowing it actually existed was enough to traumatize me into a decades-long bout of very selective amnesia. It's this: people who get on the bus smelling really strongly of food. I could almost tolerate it if they were carrying a take-out sack filled with the type of food they smelled like, but the ones I'm on about aren't. One also cannot match the food fragrance to the type of person likely to be emitting said aroma with any degree of accuracy, so the olfactory and visual cues don't even come close to lining up. Don't start whining, I'm not saying this from a racist standpoint, it's just that, over the course of our lives, we come to associate certain people with certain odors. For most of us Baby Boomers, for example, fat Italian guys are fully expected to pack the scent of either pizza or cigars, we anticipate that girls with glasses, braids and skirts slightly longer than current fashion dictates will come to class wafting the delicate bouquet of milk and stale, musty cloth.
The one that jarred all this loose from the back of my head today was a Chinese guy reeking away of Ukrainian cabbage - based cuisine, extra garlic. Not fair. He should have carried the aroma of a #3 Combination Dinner, just as I should, rightfully, broadcast the acrid tang of cigarettes, coffee and speed, just as one would expect from any self respecting, tail-end Baby Boomer. And, for the comfort of my fellow public transit patrons, I always strive to do so. Although I will admit that I usually leave out the coffee. Still, 2 out of 3, huh? Be safe.
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