Every reputable scientist on file was recruited to flesh out the plan – everyone knew what the plan was, but that was it. Everyone thought it was a great plan, a fabulous plan, we'll make our own idiots! But no one had suggested how to actually do it, how to create idiots on purpose! It was quickly realized that normal selective breeding wouldn't work – there were no idiots to select for breeding. No, something drastic was called for here, something as unthinkable as the plan itself. And, after weeks of think-tanking and brainstorming, it materialized.
A world wide contest was run, and the winning (or losing, depending on how you look at it) male and female with the lowest IQ were chosen. Preparations for the upcoming conception went on for weeks. The couple were kept on a constant diet of low-cal beer, poorly made crack cocaine, Twinkies and Ding Dongs, and entrees from the Olive Garden. Over the counter sleeping pills and Gravol were mandatory each evening, washed down with a half bottle of Red Devil, the nastiest red wine ever created, and each day was kick-started with crack, crystal meth, more Red Devil and an optional tube of glue huffed from an old sock. Some humanitarians voiced the opinion that this constituted cruel and unusual punishment, so the couple was permitted to substitute low grade heroin for the Gravol, an offer they both refused. Either they were intensely dedicated to the plan, or it was already starting to work.
When the prearranged six month DNA damaging program had finished, the couple (who were oddly reluctant to leave), were pulled from the Official Compound, sent out for a romantic diner and given a coupon from Block Buster's, good for one free adult video rental, then sequestered in a 2.5 star hotel for the weekend. At 6 a.m. Monday morning, the pair were separated, the woman taken to her new lodgings, where a team of skilled, highly trained men would whine at her for up to 18 hours a day begging for “At least a hand-job or something”, then yelling at her that she was getting fat when she refused. She was supplied with all the cigarettes she could handle, alcohol reduced wine coolers, and a vast library of old video tapes featuring 'Parking Wars', 'Dancing with the Stars', and 'Who's the Boss'. The man was walked out to the sidewalk in front of the hotel, handed a half pack of Marlboro’s, and officially told to “Fuck off.”. After doctors had determined that the conception was, unbelievably, successful, the world settled down to wait out the gestation period with the most famous, (and, in all probability, most important) mother-to-be in all human history.
In fact, many of the leftover religious crowd (who were unknowingly slated to take over, should no proper idiots be found), were likening her to The Virgin Mary and suggesting she carried the second coming of the previously unsuccessful savior of humanity, propositions she countered with a hearty “Blow it out yer ass or I'll come over there and kick yer uterus out!”
A world wide contest was run, and the winning (or losing, depending on how you look at it) male and female with the lowest IQ were chosen. Preparations for the upcoming conception went on for weeks. The couple were kept on a constant diet of low-cal beer, poorly made crack cocaine, Twinkies and Ding Dongs, and entrees from the Olive Garden. Over the counter sleeping pills and Gravol were mandatory each evening, washed down with a half bottle of Red Devil, the nastiest red wine ever created, and each day was kick-started with crack, crystal meth, more Red Devil and an optional tube of glue huffed from an old sock. Some humanitarians voiced the opinion that this constituted cruel and unusual punishment, so the couple was permitted to substitute low grade heroin for the Gravol, an offer they both refused. Either they were intensely dedicated to the plan, or it was already starting to work.
When the prearranged six month DNA damaging program had finished, the couple (who were oddly reluctant to leave), were pulled from the Official Compound, sent out for a romantic diner and given a coupon from Block Buster's, good for one free adult video rental, then sequestered in a 2.5 star hotel for the weekend. At 6 a.m. Monday morning, the pair were separated, the woman taken to her new lodgings, where a team of skilled, highly trained men would whine at her for up to 18 hours a day begging for “At least a hand-job or something”, then yelling at her that she was getting fat when she refused. She was supplied with all the cigarettes she could handle, alcohol reduced wine coolers, and a vast library of old video tapes featuring 'Parking Wars', 'Dancing with the Stars', and 'Who's the Boss'. The man was walked out to the sidewalk in front of the hotel, handed a half pack of Marlboro’s, and officially told to “Fuck off.”. After doctors had determined that the conception was, unbelievably, successful, the world settled down to wait out the gestation period with the most famous, (and, in all probability, most important) mother-to-be in all human history.
In fact, many of the leftover religious crowd (who were unknowingly slated to take over, should no proper idiots be found), were likening her to The Virgin Mary and suggesting she carried the second coming of the previously unsuccessful savior of humanity, propositions she countered with a hearty “Blow it out yer ass or I'll come over there and kick yer uterus out!”
To be continued...
As always, be safe.
TRS
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