Ok, although I was able to opt us out of the dreaded Staff xmas party, it was not without the ordeal of repeatedly explaining my reasoning, which I will now do one last time. Our company charges $5.00 for Staff members to attend, and $35.00 for our loved to come along. Now, why would I shell out a total of forty bucks just to put Kara through the ordeal of hanging out with a half-dozen people I like, plus a shitload of assholes I'm forced to spend my days with? Plus, everyone knows that Staff parties are prime breeding grounds for drunken, loudmouthed stupidity carried out under the guise of "letting one's hair down". And to put the love of my life through this with only 2 Bar Tickets? Not in a billion lifetimes (which, by an odd coincidence, is exactly how long the evening would seem to drag on).

So, to the six or seven coworkers I would love to have partied with - sorry, maybe we can do something else, because I think Kara would really have fun with you - you know who you are!
To the rest - oh well.
And to the ones I really can't stand (you DEFINITELY know who you are) GO FUCK YOURSELVES!!!